Reflecting Whiteness
Written by SM
White people leave all the work of explaining racism to others. It’s time for white people to question their narratives. And to talk about it.
In a recent article, German journalist Malcolm Ohanwe called out to white people to start writing about their whiteness. I thought at first, that this is not the time to take the stage by writing some self-centered essay about a white person’s feelings. Wasn’t that part of the problem? The over-representation of whiteness in the media? The dominance of white ideas and ideals? I thought this was rather a time to support and empower people of color in their struggle for equality from the second tier, in the streets and online.
However, there are (at least) two things fundamentally wrong about that.
First, ending racism is our struggle. And with us, I mean everybody. Racism is a psychological means to break up the us and turn it into the us and the them. It is the lie that suggests, you could know who somebody was based on how they look or how they speak. And it is so deeply nested in our minds that everybody bears some racial bias within them. Don’t believe me? Take a test! It doesn’t help to act as if this bias wasn’t there. Surely, being aware of it should prevent you from acting obviously racist – which is a big f*#&ing step. But here’s the problem: just because I don’t want to be a racist doesn’t mean that I don’t have this racist bias. And if I neglect this bias, if I never talk about it, I prevent myself from learning how to deal with it. And I might even start to believe that I got rid of it. What a good excuse to stop questioning myself and label myself an anti-racist once and for all!
Second, to become vocal should not mean to take the stage. It should mean to open yourself up, to let others see the world through your eyes. And to be honest about your story. It makes you vulnerable. And it is exhausting. I learned so much from the written work of authors such as Ta-Nehisi Coates and Noah Sow. But why should they have to do all the work of explaining the reality of living in a racist world to white people? Or as Malcolm Ohanwe put it in his article, if we could re-distribute this workload more evenly, maybe some of these authors could find the time to write about something else that is important to them?
So what is it like to be white in a racist world?
For me, it was never talking about the color of my skin unless I stayed too long in the sun. It was growing up in a middle class family in a suburb of Stuttgart with one of the highest percentage of foreigners, mostly from Turkey and former Jugoslawia and being conscious about that. It was being better at school than many kids because my mother helped me with my homework and because I grew up speaking German. It was feeling better than many kids because of that, as well. It was not doubting to become an academic. It was taking for granted what privileges I had and believing that it was actually me who had achieved all of it. To be honest, society didn’t give me many reasons to doubt that.
The first cracks in this nice white porcelaine world appeared about in 7th grade. During an exam, my friend Shen had almost exactly copied the essay of a classmate. When we got the results, we were astonished to find his mark to be one clear grade worse than the one of our classmate. No comments on the blatant plagiarism were made which indicates that this was not the reason for the grading. So what was? Well, one student came from a white family and the other didn’t. This could have been an isolated incident if not many more of those would have followed. And quite systematically, it was the students with migration background that didn’t make the cut. That way, our class was slowly sifted through. All the while, everybody maintained the semblance of equality – didn’t we all have to take the same tests? Didn’t we all work hard? If I hadn’t had found my friends in Shen, Ali or Stefano, I might still believe this story. I can’t remember a single non-white teacher in my school.
These experiences are repeated a million (probably even a billion) times each day. White kids grow up in a system that tells them that they earned what they achieved. That they are better because they are smarter or work harder. And they will grow up, perpetuating a society that rests on the shoulders of marginalized, exploited and enslaved people. They will grow up with a belief for which racism is a blinding fuel.
It is a wrong conclusion to believe remaining silent is a sign of awareness of white privilege and respect. It creates a gap in the perspectives that are represented in the anti-racist movement. If white people don’t start to question their personal narratives and acknowledge their racial bias, we will not overcome the structural racism in our society. And if they don’t explain themselves, the discurse about racism will remain lobsided with the bulk of the work left to those that already have to deal with it every day.
If we don’t start talking, there will remain an us and a them.